#LITTLE MISFORTUNE ACHIEVEMENTS HOW TO#
#LITTLE MISFORTUNE ACHIEVEMENTS DRIVERS#

I barely skim the intro, guiltlessly gliding over the authorsвЂ™ case studies about their friends-PamвЂ™s low self-esteem, SamвЂ™s obsession with his ex, EliвЂ™s boredom with his marriage-but when I read the bulleted list of each attachment styleвЂ™s tendencies, my throat drops to my stomach: Every columnвЂ™s unhealthy patterns and self-sabotaging behaviors ring uncomfortably true. So I bought the self-help book and endeavored to read it. She said IвЂ™m attracting the wrong attachment style. I mentioned the anxious avoidant terminology to my psychiatrist, the one whoвЂ™s always telling me to go on dates, and whoвЂ™s been trying to steer me away from вЂњyoung men who are artist types.вЂќ She recommended this book on вЂњattachment stylesвЂќ and explained how the authors suggest that people are either anxious, secure, or avoidant in relationships. But вЂњIвЂ™m not good enough for youвЂќ is just another way of making the rejection feel like my fault. When white guys say it, I hate that I have to wonder if theyвЂ™re also trying to avoid the reality of actually having a Black girlfriend-bringing her home to the family in Maryland or Milwaukee potentially adjusting the makeup of his social life becoming compelled, as if possessed, to blurt out, вЂњMy girlfriendвЂ™s Black,вЂќ in defense, or as confession, explanation, excuse. Usually, theyвЂ™re just hung up on their exes. One such man lamented to me that he was an anxious avoidant personality. вЂњIвЂ™m just not in a good place for a relationship right now,вЂќ they say, before starting one with somebody else a week later.

Another time, on what IвЂ™d foolishly thought to be a date, I pressed my palms to the table and announced, вЂњI believe I am the least desirable woman in America.вЂќ But I never have a witty quip in response to this question, and the words you tell me feel like glass shards leaving my throat. вЂњWhy are you single?вЂќ they press, in disbelief or suspicion, rattling off my many fantastic qualities. Sometimes itвЂ™s people IвЂ™d hoped might be interested themselves, men who would go on to kiss or sleep with me, and even those whoвЂ™d already done so.

#LITTLE MISFORTUNE ACHIEVEMENTS DRIVERS#

When itвЂ™s not friends or Uber drivers with hollow clichГ©s and prepackaged, one-size-fits-all advice, itвЂ™s middle-aged businessmen at hotel bars or chatty randoms on airplanes with the gall to throw the question at me, shaking their heads like IвЂ™m a math problem.

Because, of course, itвЂ™s the task of the single person to receive and carry out any instruction from self-help books, magazines, friends, coworkers, mothers, people on buses, seminars, cab drivers, etc.

#LITTLE MISFORTUNE ACHIEVEMENTS HOW TO#

Even strangers assume the authority to spit out armchair wisdom about what I need to do, acknowledge, let go of how to get out of my comfort zone or вЂњbe openвЂќ or whatever. You must need help.Д®veryone has an opinion, whether I ask for it or not.

As long as a person is unhappily single, there must be something wrong. A reason that you must be somewhat content with or aware of, if youвЂ™re taking no steps to improve your situation. One thing about being unhappily single in your thirties-besides the very real biological and social pressure to reproduce-is everybody thinks there must be a reason why. IвЂ™m single the way a baby is single.Д«y most sociocultural standards established since the beginning of time, my adult life could be viewed as inadequate and incomplete, if not tragic. Single may not even be the right word, because absence implies a memory of what once took its place. Not single вЂњfor a long time,вЂќ but single forever, the whole time. Yet here I am, earnestly and soberly poring over a quiz in a self-help book about relationships, which I actually spent money on because IвЂ™m 33 years old, and IвЂ™ve been single my entire life. I donвЂ™t like when people tell me what to do, and I really hate when theyвЂ™re telling everyone else the same thing.

Little misfortune achievements